A Skinny Girl's story

A lot of people,

Myself included,

seem to be going through a transition in life.

I have to admit,
without Facebook
*shudder*
I would have no idea what is going on in my
ol' high school friends lives.
It would appear a lot of people,
myself included
seem to be going through a transition in life.

And when I saw the story one of the
girls from high school wrote
I thought I would share it here
where I think I have made it clear,
'skinny' 
isn't all it's been made out to be anymore.

"A skinny girls story"
Written from the heart and
through the talented fingers
of
Chelsea Hesketh

"I thought a lot about doing this piece for this group... 
But then thought against it 
until I told this idea to another member of this group 
who is also one of my best friends. 
And she was all for it and actually encouraged it. 
So here ya go.

Am I skinny?
Yes.

Have I always been skinny?
Yes.

Has weight been a factor that crosses my mind,
 daily?
Weekly?
I am a female.
It is genetically impossible to look in a mirror and say;
"Gee, there is a big event coming up, I think I need to put on a couple pounds".
Unless you're Charlize Theron.

Have I ever felt socially accepted?
NO!

Have I always felt attractive and confident?
HELL FUCKING NO!

High school is hard enough on anyone who is different.

Not just different in what size you are,
but just for being different in general.

I graduated high school thinking
I was an inadequate, ugly, stupid piece of shit
incapable of fitting in anywhere
or
doing anything of value with my life.

I mean I was not only skinny,
but athletic as well,
and I was STILL picked last in Phys Ed.

Like seriously? 

However it has been coming up to 7 years since then,
my life has turned 180 degrees.
Completely different
 in a positive way.

But yes,
I do hold onto the same insecurities
that I had when I left high school.
I still care a little
too much
 of what people think of me.

I continually think people are talking about me
behind my back still
and
laughing or mocking me.

I still sometimes get stuff wrong in life
and wonder why I even thought I was good enough to try in the first place.

Sometimes when I've seen hot guys,
I think all they see is the ugly, awkward loser in me.

However saying that-
going to a bar, picking up the hottest guy there;
even though you know he's a douche-bag
is the best feeling ever! 

I'm posting this because I am friends-
best friends even, with bigger girls.
Because frankly, I have more in common with them.
They take life with a grain of salt as I do.
And every one of them has said something along the lines of:

"if only I was skinny"
or
"I don't get why you're insecure, you're fucking skinny!"

Well, I thought the same thing about all the clear-faced popular girls who looked down on me;

who also probably never spent a lunch hour alone.

In conclusion;

when going through a life change, 
the hardest part is changing yourself. 
Your mental blocks, 
insecurities, 
habits that make 
or
 break you 
and prepare for a new you.
 Because as much as you think you won't change a bit, 
you will still grow and 
in time adapt to the changes that you made for yourself. 

I wish everyone the best in accomplishing your goals.
Thanks for reading.

Cheers."


While I was reading it,
I thought to myself
"hmmm was I one of the 'mean girls' here?"
because I know I can be mean
and have been mean
and laugh at people...

And
according to my man
(at least while im P.M.S.ing)
I am apparently good at making people feel
'inadequate'
(if you're not good at something get better at it, duh)
and it is something I am working on
and something I am constantly apologizing for
So I am apologizing again

If I ever make anyone feel inadequate
don't take it so personally,
I am working on not doing that.

And I am sorry.

H.M.K

P.S.

I too got made fun of at school
and at home,
lots,
by my father...
and pinned down,
and tickled and pinched
and picked on
So when it happened to me in 'real life'
it was game time,
and
I was ready to defend myself!
and give offenders a taste of their own medicine...
and the first boy to try and kiss me a black eye....
which may be why I didn't have many dates...